New Post!! Why Not?

So, I said I'd be gone from this blog for awhile and I have been.

Lots of changes, lots of things stayin' the same. Aint that just life though?

Funny how practice ebbs and flows. That's something I still struggle to understand, my own personal koan I suppose. My personal path has been moment to moment attention to breath, and relaxation.

Over the last decade I have sometimes gone away from my practice for anything from a matter of seconds to a matter of months, but I always come back. Lately I don't go as far away from it for as long, but still...the push/pull is there. For whatever reason, there will be periods of time when I suddenly find that I cannot maintain my practice as vibrantly as I would care to.

What is that? I know everyone seems to encounter this up and down kind of thing, and that it is natural. Just as my moods go up and down, and my energy goes up and down, so does my enjoyment and attention to my practice...but sometimes it is frustrating.

In the past I struggled to understand if this was the path for me, whether it was even helpful, etc. Now I feel that I've seen the benefits of practice and diligence. Breathing practice/meditation has shown me so much about my life, and allowed me to discover a kind of happiness I never thought possible.

Yet still I go away from it, still I have times when I feel it is almost impossible, almost useless...like moments of temporary insanity. I just wish I could better understand those times.

I hope everyone is well.